The Case For Celebrating Valentine's Day

So here we are back at February 14th, talking about Valentine's Day again. And maybe you have the same conversation with your partner that my husband and I have towards the beginning of this month. Are we going to celebrate Valentine's this year? And if so, what are we going to do?

We have had a lot of years where we do a card, candy, you know, flowers, things like that, and those are all really nice. But more recently we've been making sure we're having new experiences with each other and forgoing these kind of traditional gifts that you might think about with Valentine's Day. I want to encourage you to do the same thing, because having experiences, and even more so new experiences, can actually have a really positive impact on your relationship. So I want to talk more about that.

It can be easy for us in relationships to feel like we're stuck in a routine, doing the same things over and over, and this can happen in our lives, individually and also in our relationships. Valentine's day is a great excuse, though, to kind of step out of that rut and try something new together. So whatever that looks like for you guys, new experiences can have a really big impact on your relationship. And this novelty isn't just about having fun. It's actually backed by science.

When we experience something new with our partner, our brain releases dopamine. And this is the same chemical that's released when you first fall in love. This means that by doing something new together, you're effectively recreating those initial feelings of excitement and attraction. Now, these may not be as strong or as intense as you remember them when you first started dating, but these dopamine hits that we give ourselves when we're doing something new and different with our partner, and we're having these experiences together, it can go a long way towards building and maintaining that connection with your partner that can last you for years to come. So although it can be nice to do those traditional gifts--and I'm not saying to forego them altogether--If you love giving and receiving those gifts, totally do that. I fully support it. And then also think about adding on a new experience that you can share together.

Imagine instead of giving your partner a material gift, you give them an experience. You can go to a concert or theater, some sort of a performance that you both love. You could have a night away at a hotel or just do something simple like go out, buy some ingredients, come back, make a meal together. (Spoiler alert that's what my husband and I are going to be doing.) These are things that you're going to talk about for years to come, and it becomes part of the backbone of your shared history. That's ultimately going to be more valuable than any material gift that you buy.

Studies also show experiences more than physical possessions lead to longer lasting happiness. Experiences can become part of our identity, shaping who we are and how we relate to those around us. And when you share those experiences with your partner, you're not just creating memories, you really are creating a deeper, more meaningful connection. And this connection forms the foundation of your lasting relationship. So how do we go about doing this? Well, first think about what you and your partner really enjoy doing. What are the activities you've always wanted to try but maybe haven't gotten around to? Is there a place that you've both wanted to go? Maybe a place that's local that you wanted to always go to and you just haven't had the opportunity? You can also plan a surprise date, and each of you can come up with a part of the experience. You could do a DIY project at home that you can both contribute to....I feel like these days my husband and my love language is home projects.... You can take a class together. It could be dancing, it can be cooking, it could be pottery, it can be anything. Remember, the goal is not necessarily to impress with some grand gesture and huge offering, but really to do something that's going to foster togetherness and happiness and just really valuing the time you have together.

So go ahead and celebrate Valentine's this year, we'll just get rid of the notion that it's a fabricated holiday created to get us to spend money, and we're going to really take advantage of it and do something that's going to help us celebrate and strengthen our relationship.

All right. That's it for today. I hope this was helpful, and I hope you're inspired to go out there and have a great Valentine's with your partner. Let me know what you did. I would love to hear how you celebrate it. Until next time, take care of yourself and take care of each other. That's it for today. I hope this was helpful. If you want to take my free Couples Connection Quiz, learn more about me or how to work with me, you can check out my website abetterrelationshipcoaching.com . Until next time, take care.