Unconditional Love or Lack Of Boundaries

Hi, I'm Karyn, your couples therapist and relationship coach with A Better Relationship Coaching. Today, I want to talk about something that comes up frequently when working with individuals or couples—a lack of boundaries versus the concept of unconditional love.**

Unconditional love is often seen as the ultimate form of affection and devotion that one can offer a partner. It's viewed as having a deep sense of commitment and understanding. However, this seemingly noble concept can blur the lines between healthy commitment and a lack of boundaries, often leading to emotional dependency on both sides and neglect of personal well-being.

I personally believe that there shouldn't be unconditional love in adult relationships. Instead, there should be a balance of giving and receiving, supporting and being supported. Unconditional love in adult relationships often masks a lack of boundaries, leading individuals to sacrifice more than what is healthy or desired. This can result in unbalanced relationships, a loss of individuality, and dependency on one another for emotional support. Over time, this can stifle personal development and cause resentment if needs and wants are not reciprocated.

Recognizing the signs of lacking boundaries is crucial for maintaining a healthy, positive relationship dynamic. Some indicators include feeling consistently drained, neglecting other relationships, and ignoring your own needs in favor of your partner’s. A common thought I hear is, "I'm taking care of all these people, but who is taking care of me?" This statement often summarizes boundary issues.

What can we do about it?

- **Establish Clear Boundaries:** This is not an act of selfishness but a necessity for any healthy relationship. Pay attention to your feelings during interactions and be aware of your limits when agreeing to participate in activities or helping others.
- **Communicate Openly:** Share your feelings, needs, and expectations with your partner and others.
- **Prioritize Self-Care:** Ensure that you are taking care of your emotional and physical needs so you can genuinely show up for others.

Setting and maintaining boundaries can be challenging, especially if you didn't grow up with a good understanding of them. If you find this daunting, consider seeking help from a relationship coach. They can provide tools and strategies for effective communication and respecting each other’s space, ultimately strengthening your relationship.

That’s it for this week. I hope this was helpful. Don't forget to follow and head to my website to get your free workbook: "7 Questions to Reconnect with Your Partner." Until next time, take care of yourself and each other. Thanks.