41. Boundaries As a Form of Self Care

So I spoke with someone this week and she said she listened to one of my podcasts about self care, but she was left with the question… but what is self care? What does that mean? She likes to get her hair and nails done and that is great and I explained that that is part of self care, doing things that help you feel good about yourself, but there is a lot more that goes into it also. So I wanted to talk about it to really explain more what it looks like.

So to start with there are a lot of types of self care, but overall it means you are being intentional with taking care of yourself in various areas of your life. In general, all the different types of self care I’m going to mention and there are more beyond these…
how setting boundaries is a kind of self care means you are setting limits around these areas that you are able to give some to others, but not more than what you feel comfortable with or more than what you want to.

So for example, one area I talk about is our time. And so this doesn’t look like you only taking time to do things for yourself and that you want to and not spending any of your time on others but it means that you aren’t giving so much of your time away to others by doing things for other people all the time and have no time for yourself. This will lead to resentment. You need to make sure you are taking time for yourself to do things you enjoy and want to do.

Another area is finances. It is important that we are thinking about our own financial health and what those needs are. Sometimes we are going to help someone out if they need it and that can be a great, generous thing to do for someone. What I recommend though is to think about it first and decide: can I afford to do this? will I be stretching myself too thin if I do? It isn’t a bad thing to make sure you are okay before you help others and in general I would actually recommend this as best practice is most or all areas.

Other areas of life that require boundary setting are our emotional and physical care.

When it comes to physical self-care, setting boundaries means recognizing and honoring your body's limits and needs. This could mean saying no to plans when you're exhausted, or scheduling regular breaks during your workday to stretch and move. Sometimes we push ourselves physically to help others - maybe staying up late to help a friend move, or taking on extra physical tasks for family members - and while helping others can be rewarding, consistently ignoring your own physical needs can lead to burnout or even injury. It's important to listen to your body's signals and set clear limits about what you can and cannot do physically, just as you would with your time and money.

The emotional aspect of self-care through boundaries is about protecting your mental and emotional energy. It's totally natural to care about others and want to support them through difficult times, but being everyone's emotional support system can leave you drained and overwhelmed.

This might look like setting limits on how many hours you spend listening to others' problems, learning to say "I'm not able to do this right now" or choosing not to engage with dramatic or toxic situations that drain your energy. Just as with financial boundaries, it's okay to check your emotional bank account first and make sure you have enough reserves before giving that energy to others.

I want to be clear that of course we are going to help others and show up for people when they need help with different things if we can, but we don't need to do that at our own expense.  This is the case for romantic relationships and any other relationship too: maintaining your well-being in various aspects of life isn't selfish - it's actually what allows you to show up as your best self for those you care about.

So it’s not only okay, but it’s necessary to have limits around how much of ourselves we give to others— in ALL areas of our life. And it’s not just okay to take care of ourselves, it’s what you should do so you don’t end up feeling overwhelmed, burned out and resentful.