The 2 Biggest Reasons Couples Wait To Get Relationship Help

Hi. I'm Karyn, your couples therapist and relationship coach with A Better Relationship Coaching. And today I want to talk about two very common reasons why couples are hesitant to reach out for help with their relationship so frequently.

So when I'm meeting with a couple, it's not uncommon for me to hear them say something like, we waited a really long time because either one, they thought that their what what they they thought that what they were dealing with in their relationship was too big of an issue or just the opposite. They thought that what they were dealing with in their relationship was too small of an issue and not worth bringing to an outside person for some help. So I wanted to talk about this

So something that can happen is when we are in our relationship and we're experiencing problems and we're maybe even thinking about going to a relationship coach for help, we have this fear of being judged and that might look like having this worry or concern that your issues are too big or too embarrassing, that you're going to be criticized for waiting too long. And what is this person going to think of us when we show up? That can really be looming when deciding whether or not to reach out for help.

And then the other thing that can happen is you may feel like your issues that you're dealing with are so big and they are just so overwhelming for you. Maybe issues that you guys have had for years, and you can feel really helpless in that situation. And so you might think, what is the point now? It's too big. It's not fixable. And that really isn't true.

I've actually ended up working with a number of couples who were ready to separate and call it, and this was just kind of their last effort and they ended up making a lot of progress. And it really just comes down to if people want to make the changes and if they are really invested in doing the work--and this was something I actually talked about in the last episode--if you're willing to do the work and show up for your relationship, you can absolutely, overcome a lot of issues, even if they feel overwhelming and too big for you right now.

The other thing that shows up is that couples are feeling like their issues are too small, that it's not worth it. And we can kind of downplay our issues, be like, oh, well, we just argue about how stuff all the time. That's silly. Like we should be able to handle this on our own. And I use that example for house stuff because that actually comes up a ton when I'm working with couples. And it's not a small issue if it's causing a lot of problems for you. If you're starting to feel anger, resentment, contempt towards your partner, it's not a small issue anymore. And so it's a great reason to get help from someone outside.

And the other thing that can happen is that we kind of look in at other couples and think, oh, well, their problems are bigger than ours. We should be able to do this on our own. This is a small problem or it's minor. You know, we don't need to bring this to someone. But again, if it's really causing a disruption in your relationship, maybe you won't need to see someone for a long period of time. Right? Sometimes people come in just for a few sessions and they're able to get a lot of help from that as opposed to, you know a few months. But if it's something that's really disrupting your relationship and you feel like you're not able to figure this out on your own, whatever it is, it's a great reason to get help from a coach to help you be able to work through that.

When we are looking for help in our relationship, it's not a sign of giving in. It's really a sign of investment and commitment to the relationship. Because people don't come to see me that just like have an argument and then the next day they're like, Oh, we need a third person. It's something they've been dealing with for an extended period of time, and they're not able to get resolution on that.

Like I said, if it's causing disruption and it's been going on for a while and you want to make a change, and you're not able to do that on your own. That's the best reason to get help from an outside person. And so I would just encourage you, if you're listening to this and you're thinking, oh, we haven't really been good for a while, but it's not worth it or it's too big or there's no hope, or we should be able to do this on our own. Put that aside. Go ahead and reach out to someone that can help you and your partner works through these issues that you're having. It's definitely worth it when you guys are both invested in wanting to make those changes.

All right. I hope this was helpful for you. Until next time, take care of yourself and take care of each other. Thanks.